Belonging is a fundamental human need that goes beyond just being a part of a group or community. Belonging speaks to whether we feel connected, accepted, and valued. Belonging — both its presence and its absence — can have a profound effect on an individual’s mental and emotional well-being. Learning how to cultivate a sense of belonging within your communities is a great way to build connections and confidence.
The biological and psychological roots of belonging
From a biological standpoint, humans are inherently social beings. Our brains are wired to seek out social connections and relationships. Research in neuroscience has shown that experiencing rejection from others activates the same brain regions as physical pain. Being excluded truly, actually, hurts.
Psychologically, belonging fulfills several crucial needs. It provides us with a sense of identity and purpose, enhances our self-esteem, and reduces feelings of loneliness and isolation. When individuals feel they belong, they are more likely to report a sense of happiness, resilience, and overall life satisfaction. Having the tools in place to cultivate a sense of belonging could profoundly impact the mental wellness of the whole community.
How to cultivate a sense of belonging
Cultivating belonging is both an individual and collective endeavor.
Collectively and systemically, organizations, schools, churches, the workplace and communities play a pivotal role in creating environments that foster belonging. Research shows that healthy organizations that promote a sense of belonging within their community have the following characteristics:
- Peoples’ thoughts and ideas are validated even if they are not widely accepted
- People feel safe to disagree with others
- Diversity and differences are valued and respected
- Different skills are valued
- Wins are communally celebrated, and losses are communally mourned
- Cooperation is valued above competition
- Conflict is normalized and worked through visibly
- Accomplishments are recognized
Conversely, organizations that do not promote belonging or psychological safety tend to have the following characteristics:
- Mistakes are publicly punished
- Group members gossip or form exclusive alliances
- Emotions are ignored or skipped over
- Leaders respond with defensiveness or sarcasm
On an individual level, we can create a sense of connection with others with the following actions:
- Sharing vulnerably and authentically: Authenticity fosters trust and encourages others to reciprocate by sharing their own authentic selves.
- Working through conflict visibly
- Practicing active listening by removing distractions (consider leaving your phone in your pocket when you are spending time with others), asking clarifying questions, and reflecting back what you have heard
- Validating others: One of my supervisors once said: “At the end of the day, everyone just wants to know that their thoughts and feelings are valid.” You don’t have to agree with someone to be able to validate their experience. Just put yourself in their shoes and understand where they are coming from, and how a reasonable person might end up feeling or thinking as they do. Validating statements sound like: “I can see that this is hard for you,” “I hear what you are saying,” or “I see how hard you are trying.”
- Being reliable: Consistency and reliability are crucial for building trust in relationships. Follow through on commitments, offer support during challenging times, and celebrate achievements together. Being reliable shows that you value the relationship and the person’s well-being.
If this list of suggestions on how to cultivate a sense of belonging doesn’t work, contact our team of therapists, and we will be so happy to match you with a clinician who specializes in helping people feel connected.
