A gentle guide to creating low-pressure morning rhythms that can support co-regulation with soft starts and small morning rituals.
There is nothing I crave more than a slow morning. The reality is that they can be few and far between. This can feel even more challenging in the school year when the morning requires you to get prepared for a day of work, school, or other roles ahead. Emotions of anxiousness, excitement, dread, tiredness, and more start to triumph. And before we know it, it is well into the evening, and everyone is tucked in bed. You may be reflecting on the intense pace of the day or just too exhausted to think at all. So, you fall right asleep knowing you will have to do it all again in the morning. In the wake of hustle and bustle, creating slow mornings may allow space for ease and stillness. Now before we discuss what to add or adjust in the morning, we are actually going to inventory our morning and see what we can remove.
Evaluating your morning
Take some time over the next week to observe your morning and routines. Here are some questions to become curious about:
- What do you enjoy about your morning?
- How does your family react in the morning?
- How many decisions are you making in the morning?
- What routines throughout the day create ease or chaos in the morning? What rituals ignite mindfulness and feelings of being grounded in the morning?
Evaluating what your morning first will allow for you and your family to determine what works and what feels dysregulating in the morning. We could easily suggest rituals and skills to add right away, but none of that is helpful if we don’t take a few moments to see what is happening in our independent worlds.
Goals to consider for soft starts
Check in with yourself and those you spend your morning with as you consider your plans for soft starts. What is the goal feeling you and your morning buddies want to have? What feels uncomfortable about the morning and what feels good? Setting goals and intentions for change allow the active participants to feel motivated to adapt to the change and have a sense of buy-in.
Now let’s go back to the question: What routines and rituals can set us up for a slow morning, fostered in regulation? For many, mornings require a lot of decision making and to-dos. What outfit should I wear, where is my homework folder, where are my basketball shoes, did I pack lunch for the kids, did I pack lunch for myself, did I start the coffee, what should we have for dinner, what do you want for breakfast? The questions are seeking answers to uncertainty and unknowns, all while just trying to keep up.
Your slow and regulated morning may actually start on the weekend or a weekday that allows you some more time and flexibility. Pick a day of the week that feels generally slow and external entities require less from you and your family. For example, Saturday. Let’s utilize an hour or two on Saturday to review the week ahead, identify a few dinners that will can be made during the week, pre-pack dry snacks for school lunches, pick lunch options, lay out clothes or options of outfits for the week, pack your basketball bag, complete the calendar and gather all essentials needed to have a successful week. During the weekday, prioritize packing lunches the night before with leftover dinners or favorite lunch meals. Engage your kiddos in a fun game of play chef or The Great Family Lunch Bake Off (taken from the Great British Bake Off.) Being intentional about fostering a slow morning requires us to feel and be prepared before the morning actually comes.
A delightful recipe for a slow morning fostered in co-regulation
A slow morning with routines and rituals to engage yourself and your family in effective regulation requires minimal and enjoyable activities that allow the body to feel and recognize it is safe.
Key ingredients include:
- Waking up when your alarm sounds
- Sunlight (rain or shine)
- Hyrdation
- Some movement
- Limited screen time
Waking up when your alarm sounds to support your soft starts goals
Nothing feels worse than waking up and feeling rushed or in a hurry. A few tips in supporting you in waking up feeling relaxed and regulated:
- Give yourself time to prioritize your needs in the morning. Waking up 5-10 minutes earlier than the rest of the house to complete your skincare routine, practice some breathwork, listen to your relaxing music playlist, engage in your spiritual routine, read your book, make your bed, etc. Filling your cup and regulating yourself first is key!
- Set an alarm sound that eases your nervous system into the morning. I personally love the sound of birds chirping in the morning, and so do our nervous systems! Birds signal to the body that the sun is rising and the environment is safe.
- As soon as the alarm sounds, it can be easy to think of the morning and day ahead. That can be overwhelming for some. Just focus on the task at hand: Stepping your feet on the ground with a delightful good morning stretch.
We rise when the sun rises
The human body is naturally wired to rise and set with the sun, regardless of rain or shine. Now some of us may rise before the sun, and that’s okay. Finding a few seconds in the morning with your family to look at the sun rising or bask in the sun near a window signals to our brain that it is time to wake up. Habit stacking is my secret weapon to slow morning soft starts, so while you are exposing yourself to daylight, engage with your family in a moment of gratitude. “I am grateful for this moment of sun and stillness.”
When we reach for coffee, grab some H2O
Coffee and tea are sometimes needed in the morning…or always needed. While we pour our cup of coffee or tea, grab a glass of water. Hydration is so important to regulating the nervous system and waking up our bodies. My favorite type of metaphors involve plants. Plants stand tall, proud, and appear more luscious when they have water and sunlight. Our bodies respond similarly. Winter can be a challenging time to get enough hydration. Hot lemon water for you and your family is a great alternative and adds a touch of cozy to your slow morning routine.
Small movements to support our bodies waking up
Engaging in small movements like walking, feet up the wall, or finding the wiggles with your children support the body’s blood flow. We just spent hours laying horizontal, and getting the lymphatic system flowing can support the body in not only feeling awake but feeling regulated. Movement in the morning does not have to feel like a chore or dreadful; make it fun for you and your family. It feels even better when the giggles start.
Savor your morning without a screen
If possible, limit how much exposure you have to screens in the morning. Our eyes and brains need moments throughout the day that do not require a screen, which can be so hard to come by. As opposed to eliminating screens, incorporate a screenless activity to increase regulation. Read a magazine or book, create art, or sit down for some non-screen family breakfast. You deserve a break from screens and your nervous system will appreciate it, too.
Lastly, have fun with creating you and your family’s slow morning routine. Get everyone involved and try different things. Changes to routines or incorporating new routines can be challenging at first. Give yourself grace and your nervous system will love it. At the end of each day, regardless of how your day goes, know you had your morning rooted in slowness and regulation.
