Hi Mamas (and Dads and bonus parents and all the big people who love little people) ❤
I know, I know, it feels like summer just started yesterday – can you believe it’s already time to think about going back to school? If you’re like me, you plan every year on spending August slowly moving bedtimes and wake times earlier to ease the transition, and then find yourself at Rainbow Cone on a Tuesday night having ice cream for dinner at 8pm. That’s ok, I think – this is where some of the best family memories are made. And, it’s not a bad idea to spend some time now thinking about how to help your kiddos (and you!) transition back into the structure and routine of the school year…because the wobbly mornings, tearful goodbyes, and finding out the morning of that last year’s school uniform doesn’t fit, are just around the corner.
First things first: Feelings before folders
You know that thing where you ask your kid how they feel about going back to school, and they say “fine,” but five minutes later, they pick a fight with you?
Even if your kid looks calm, going back to school can stir up big feelings. So in a calm, non-pressured moment (in the car, or while folding laundry, or while walking the dog), try to invite some conversation. You could start gently, by saying something along the lines of, “I remember being in X grade. Some things I really loved were _____. But some things were also really hard. Like, ________.” For example, you might say, “Wow, I remember being in seventh grade. My best friend’s name was Therese and I loved going to her house for sleepovers. We would eat pizza and sleep in sleeping bags in her living room and watch 90210. I felt really at home in her house. But some things were also really hard. There was this girl who was super popular and for some reason that kind of intimidated me. One time she got mad at my friend and yelled at her in front of everyone. I knew I needed to stick up for my friend but I was also really scared of the popular girl.” Then, LEAVE IT. You have just opened the door for conversation – your kid might follow your lead and ask follow up questions or share her own experience, or she might say nothing for a day, or a week, or a month. But trust me, she’ll remember this conversation, and it’ll help signal that you remember that it can be hard to be that age, that being a kid can feel messy, and that you’re open to talking but also won’t push.
Start warming up the brain and the body
If your summer schedule has been…erm… “fluid” (breakfast at 10, pajamas till swimsuits, screen time whenever, and surely chlorinated pools count as baths?), you’re not alone.
Instead of a cold-turkey shift, try slowly easing back into:
- Earlier bedtimes and wake-ups
- School-ish mealtimes
- A little bit of quiet focus time each day—reading, puzzles, coloring, Legos, and so on.
That way, the first day of school doesn’t feel like a total ambush.
Reconnect with the space
Even if it’s not your kid’s first rodeo, it helps to revisit the school environment before Day One. If the school offers an open house or playground meet-up, go. Have a get together with your child’s classmates – an ice cream sundae party at your house is quick, fun, and relatively inexpensive if you get the big tubs from Meijer. If not, even a walk or drive past the building helps the brain go: Oh right, I’ve done this before. I’m safe here.
For extra sensitive kids, pull up a photo of the classroom or walk them through a “pretend morning” to help lower the unknowns.
Let them be the boss of something
- Transitions feel safer when we have a sense of control. So, offer small choices:
- First-day outfit (if there is a uniform, this can be first-day socks and underpants)
- Which snack goes in the lunchbox
- What song to play on the way to school
- Even if everything else is new and weird and stretchy, these little wins give kids a foothold.
Normalize the wobbles
- You might see some big feelings in the first few weeks. Maybe your usually confident kid cries at drop-off. Maybe your sweet baby has a total meltdown because you made spaghetti for dinner and they thought it was gonna be penne. Maybe you have to hide in the pantry with a fistful of Doritos and breathe through it.
- This does not mean anything is wrong. It means everyone’s adjusting – slowly and imperfectly, like humans do.Remind your child (and yourself):
- “This is hard because it’s new.”
- “We can figure it out together.”
Protect the after school crash
- School is A LOT – socially, emotionally, sensory-wise – and a gentle transition back into real life goes a long way. I love walking home for that reason – it gives a couple of minutes to move your body and digest the events of the day before switching back to a different environment.
- Once you get home, instead of jumping into piano lessons and math worksheets, try:
- A quiet snack and snuggle
- 30 minutes of unstructured play
- A walk, a swing, a trampoline—something to move the big feelings out of their bodies
- You’ll get way more cooperation if you meet the need before the homework battle begins.
Rituals > Perfection
- Create little rituals that make transitions feel safe:
- A special goodbye phrase (“Love you, learn lots, don’t lick anything weird!”)
- A “high/low/buffalo” chat at dinner (everyone shares something good that happened that day (the high), something hard that happened that day (the low) and something random (the buffalo).
- A back-to-school dinner or donut tradition
- You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be present.
You matter, too
- This transition isn’t just hard on our kids. It’s hard on us. Maybe you’re relieved to get back to routine. Maybe you’re grieving another summer gone. Maybe you’re staring down the barrel of IEP meetings or tough teacher personalities or separation anxiety.
- Be kind to yourself. Breathe. Connect with your people. It’s okay to cry in the Target parking lot and also be deeply grateful for the smell of fresh notebooks. Both things can be true.
You’ve got this ❤
Back to school doesn’t have to mean back to chaos. It can mean back to a different kind of rhythm that also works for your family.
And if your kiddo (or you) needs a little more support this season, we’ve got groups, resources, and warm, loving therapists who love working with families. Come hang with us.
We’re in this with you, mamas. Let’s make it a good year. ❤
